subway ride want

I’d like to be open
I’m on the subway
It’s cool in the air conditioning
What and why is this moment?
A man at the end of my row seems to be humming opera-type music
He is Asian
I can hear it clearly, in fact
it sounds like he’s right next to me humming right into my ear
Now a girl with a colorful flannel shirt sat down next to me
Oranges & reds
Multicolored checked backpack
Why am I having this experience?
I am not reminded of anything
I am not prompted in any other way to do anything other than I am doing
I type this with my thumbs into my new ‘smart’ phone.

Now I’m getting off to transfer to the local.
Old men, bald men, black men, yuppie-looking men
Some attractive women, everyone’s normal
Only sometimes does my life feel like this,
like not much
but fine.

And at the same time,
and even though I know I live in a statistically uncommon situation of luxury and ease,
mostly because of where and to whom I was born,
partially because of my choices, my actions,
I still feel want intensely
every single day
And assume, like it’s always said,
that this is the normal (and therefore, acceptable) way to be
But I wonder very often
if just maybe
it is not

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